On Sunday, after church Kate, Alice, Caroline, Catherine, Terry, Ron, Erin and I were going to go paint this old woman Sarah's chicken coop. This old woman just so happens to sound like Kate and Alice's deceased cat.
So anyways, we're talking about it and Terry's just saying stuff like "Oh yeah, it's just a chicken coop. Nothing major. Chicken coop..." So we're all thinking "Oh, this is going to be easy, we are going to be done in a second and then go for ice cream."
So Kate drives Caroline, Alice and me to their house where Alice and I show them the half-painted club house. Then we head over to Sarah's. We pull in and put some food in her fridge, cuz we're going to eat after we've painted this chicken coop. After all, it shouldn't take too long to paint, right? It's just a little chicken coop.
So, we come back outside and Terry is trying to open the bucket of paint.
"I know!" he yells to himself.
"Hey, Dad," greets Kate.
"Hey, Katers, can you mix this bucket of paint for me?" asks Terry. And he hands her this drill with a garden stake on the end. And then Sarah comes out of the house and says "Taaaarrryyyy...."
"YES?!"
"A cow's got loose, Taaaarrryyy..."
"OKAY!" says Terry. Then he tells us he won't be able to help paint the chicken coop, but he's going to scrape the paint off.
"That's fine," we say. After all, without Terry, it'll still take us about a second. It's just a little chicken coop.
And then Terry marches off in the direction of this HUGE BARN THING.
"Please tell me that isn't the chicken coop," I whisper in a terrified voice.
"Oh no..." breathes Kate. "Dad!?" she calls.
"YES?!" Terry has begun scraping the paint off of this barn.
"Is that the chicken coop?!"
"YES!"
"Oh no..." we all groan. Because this thing is huge. This thing is about the size of my aunt Elaine's trailer.
Alice and I head over to investigate further. We find dead, squashed birds in the windows between the glass and pieces of chicken wire that are acting like screens. Then Erin, Ron and Catherine pull up. I frantically mime to them that we are going to have to paint this monstrosity, this "chicken coop".
Erin gets out of the car. "Are you okay, Maddie?" she calls. "You looked like you were having a fit just a minute ago."
"We're going to have to paint this!!" I howl.
"WHAT?!"
"And we're not eating till afterwards!" adds Kate.
"Well, I'm done scraping!" Terry announces. "I'll get you some paint then I have to go get a cow."
"WHAT?!" Erin exclaims.
"Don't worry, I'll be back to help," Terry assures her. "Maybe," I hear Alice mutter.
So Terry gets us all paint and we gather around the "chicken coop" in twos and threes; Kate and Caroline start at the far right end, Alice and I are in the middle and Catherine, Erin and Ron are on the far left end.
"This sucks," Alice pronounces with the first stroke of her brush.
"Don't I know it," I agree.
We continue painting for a while, occasionally shouting back and forth to other groups about how much painting sucks. When we're about halfway done with the "chicken coop" Erin comes over to join us.
"This sucks
ass," she declares.
"Stupid dad!" shouts Kate. "I bet there isn't any cow!"
We all voice our accent.
Terry returns when we are halfway done with the east side.
"How was that cow, Terry?" Erin asks.
"Took you a while to get it," adds Kate.
"It was caught in a bad place," explains Terry, picking up a brush and painting next to Kate and Caroline.
After a little while, Kate and Caroline move to paint the west side. I join them. Kate dips in her brush and resolutely writes "Painting SUX" on the side of the barn. I take a peek at the north side.
"Well at least we won't have to do this one!" I say happily. "It's all covered with weeds. And it's still basically intact."
We're soon joined by the rest of the gang.
"I have to go to the bathroom," Alice tells Terry.
"Just go inside, you can use Sarah's," Terry replies.
"OKAY!" Kate taunts.
"Maddie, come with me," commands Alice, and I follow like a lost puppy dog. Alice rings the doorbell.
"I hope she hasn't fallen down the stairs and died..." says Alice. I laugh. But Sarah hasn't died, as she opens the door a minute later. Sarah's house has a destinct smell, which I cannot place, but I know it has to do with cats and old stuff.
"Can we use your bathroom?" Alice asks in her sweetest voice.
"Well, okay honey," Sarah says, placing her arms around Alice's neck (because she and Alice are roughly the same hight, which is to say about a foot shorter than me) and playing with her hair absentmindedly. "But don't flush, you see, because I had to turn the water off, so I have a bucket that I fill with water and pour down the bowl, okay?"
I can only see the back of Alice's head because I'm standing behind her, but I can just imagine the quizzical look on her face.
"Okay..." she says unsurely. We follow Sarah to the bathroom.
"You go first," says Alice. "I want to get all this paint off me."
And she does have a lot of paint on her. Mostly accidentally put there by me.
So I go and then Alice eyes the toilet suspiciously before saying "Don't look."
We emerge from the bathroom and quickly thank Sarah before rushing back out into the open air. The others have begun work on the north side, which I thought we were going to ignore because no one can see it. Apparently not.
Kate grumbles about this for a while, and then when we're finished, Terry says we'll take a break and eat before starting a second coat on the north side. "
Just on the north side," he adds as everyone, even Ron throw him mutinonus looks.
We eat. Kate chucks a few grapes at Terry, and then we start re-painting on the north side. It gets over quicker than we expected, and we still have some paint left, so we start to paint Alice's legs. Then we have to wash it off so we can go get ice cream. All in all, I think everyone had fun. Even Kate, though I doubt she'd admit it.
